A Child to A Preteen

“This information is not for you,” I heard my son telling my daughters. So I asked him what he is talking about.

He took me to the side and said, “You know all the private stuff about the body…” while I am standing cluelessly trying to register what just happened. Then it struck me, he is growing up and is not a kid anymore. He has entered the preteen years – 11 years old.

I thought that puberty would hit later like around 13years but I guess it has come early and I was not ready to embrace this fact. I had questions rushing through my head such as how do I talk to him about all the changes his body will go through? Do I talk to him or have his dad talk to him? How should we bring up the topic? How to make him feel comfortable about his body changes?

Then I realized that I am not the only parent or mom going through this situation. Therefore, I decided to talk to his school counselor to see what they teach at school and decided to start off with this book.

We as parents feel that it is our duty to explain to them this topic, but then we have our doubts. Well, what if they already know about all this, or what if they get embarrassed? I feel the best solution is to talk to them in a comfortable and confident manner. This will make them come to us and hear the talk from us even though they may already know the information.

Starting this conversation:

Make sure when you do want to talk to your child, it is only you and them so that they are extremely comfortable. Also, make sure you are at ease and relaxed otherwise, your child can sense your tension, and the whole conversation can go awkward.

1. Have a question answer session. Maybe they may already know some of the stuff that you will talk to them about.
2. You can start off with sharing your teenage experiences and what you went through, assuring your child that this is completely normal.
3. The key is being direct, explaining them facts and talking to them as if they are an adult.
4. At the same time, judge your childs comfort level. If they are not so comfortable, then you may have to talk to them multiple times till they are comfortable to talk.
5. You can always have them read a book on body changes and then discuss the various topics which is what I found it easier to do.

More information at: https://sunrisechildrenshospital.com/about/newsroom/tips-for-talking-to-your-children-about-puberty

Topics for boys:

1. Physical body changes: The outside changes they may notice such as voice change; facial, pubic, underarms hair; and penis growing larger.
2. Erections: Due to hormones, boys can start getting erections more often and this is completely common. It happens for few minutes and then settles down. The trick is to explain to them how to cover up their erection in public like using a book or a jacket.
3. Ejeculation: According to plannedparenthood.com, boys will begin producing semen around age of 12-16. This is when they are likely to have ‘wet dreams.’  Wet dreams are when your boy wakes up in the morning with sticky underwear or sheets because they ejaculated in their sleep. This is totally normal and as they grow, it will also go away.

Topics for girls:

1. Physical body changes: First sign for girls is their breast growth. When they are around 8-13 years old they develop breast buds which will grow over time. They will also notice underarm, pubic and body hair. Girls may become rounded near their hips.
2. Periods: This is the most common change girls will notice. Usually, research says girls get their period anywhere between ages 10-16. The key here is to prepare your duagther with the right resources.
   • You can teach her the differences between pads, tampons or menstrual cups.
   • How to use them heygenically, dispose them and when to change them.
   • Initially, give her few pads to keep with her because you never know when she will get it or where she will be at.
   • Talk to her about experiencing body cramps or having mood swings which is again very normal.
3. Breasts: This is very noticeable change, but at the same time, it is important to explain your daughter about the different types of bras such as sports bra, wired bra or no-wire bra. The key is to help guide your daughter and teach her which bra is the right fit for their growing body and how to deal with the size change.

Always remember, to explain to your child about their gender changes but also about the changes that the opposite gender goes through. This way when they have siblings or friends they are not weirded out by the situation rather they can help that person and be more compassionate.

Also, since this is a crucial growing age so you want to make sure that you help grow their confidence in themselves and help them feel comfortable in their own skin.

Any parents who have been through this experience, please leave some tips and tricks for moms entering this teenage phase. Any parents who want to leave any comments or share anything, please feel free to.