Watch Your Tongue!

“You said the ‘S’ word,” said Aarav.

“No, I did not. You said the ‘D’ word,” said Kiara.

While the war of words was going on, I am thinking now what are the words they are talking about. These words must be bad words, but I mean there are so many words that begin with letter ‘S’. So, I ask which word again?

“You know..the ‘S…’ word” and I am looking at them cluelessly, still trying to figure out which ‘S’ word it is. Then Aarav whispers in my ears, “Mom, it is ‘Stupid'” and here I was thinking it is…’s.h.i.t.’

Well that was a bit relieving, but it got me thinking that sooner or later they will learn all these bad words, but then how do I explain them. I decided to separate bad words in two categories – baby bad words and adult bad words.

Baby bad words are like dumb, stupid, idiot etc. which are very commonly used and heard in lot of places. Adult are obviously the ones we use in all aspects of our language.

However, what makes a word, a bad word? Have we thought of it?

I mean, a word is a word with its own set of specific definitions. Then when does that word become a bad word?

Take a look back at the time your child spoke a bad word. Were you shocked by the word being used or by the tone your child spoke in?

According to an article, “Bad Words from Good Kids,” by Patty Wipler, “When children use harsh language, they may not understand what the words mean literally: it’s the tone that makes an imprint on them, and it’s the tone that raises parental warning flags.” 

Majority of the times, more than the word, I see my self getting upset at the tone my child spoke that word in. For instance, one can calmly say, “Oh, you are dumb” vs. saying it in anger and strong voice, “You are DUMB!” and the whole outcome is different.

Now, the bad word is the same – ‘dumb,’ but your reaction is going to be different based on the tone of the word. Therefore, as a parent, it is your job to get to the bottom of this and find out why your child is using such language.

There could be various reasons:

1. Fun – Since they have picked it up from school, friends or any other outside influences, they think it is fun to say that word. However, they do not know really know the meaning of it.
2. Home – A lot of times, kids try and imitate their parents or older siblings. Therefore, if parents are cursing at home, it will not take long before the kid catches on. When parents do something, it sets an example for the child and tells them it is OK to do the same thing as their parents or siblings.
3. Emotions and Attention – At times, when kids are going through a lot of emotions, they quite do not know how to express themselves. So, they tend to use curse words as a way of expressing themselves. It can be a means of children trying to grab your attention towards them. They may be feeling left out or not loved enough even though you may be loving them. Kids need our reassurance every now and then that we love them.
4. Social Media – With so much content on social media, it is hard to regulate what our kids are watching or listening to. At this point, it becomes hard for them to distinguish the difference between good and bad language.

What should we do as parents:

1. Calm Reaction – The main thing is to stay calm. Now, you may ask how does being calm help and how can you possibly expect us to be calm? Well, the trick is to stay calm and explain to your kids the consequences of using a foul word. It takes quite of lot of energy to stay calm especially when you hear your kids with such language. When you get upset or yell at your kids and demand them to not say that word anymore, it makes your kid more furious and agitated as to why they can not say it. So, to respond back to you they will use it more often and may even respond back in a negative and angry tone. Therefore, we need to stop this cycle of anger.
2. Social Media – Since they tend to copy such words or behavior, at times, it is better to limit such shows. For instance, my son loved watching ‘Teen Titans Go!’ and one time, when I was watching it with him, I was quite surprised at the language. I immediately decided to limit the show to once in two weeks and actually explained to him about the language being used in that show.
3. Replace words – As I said earlier, kids at times do not know what words to use to express themselves, so why not teach our kids some alternate words they can use instead of the bad words. For instance, instead of ‘dumb’, they can say ‘not a smart thing to do’ or instead of ‘you are stupid’, they can say ‘you are silly or you do not know much.’

As parents, we can try our utmost best to not have our kids speak bad words. However, I can not stop them from knowing and learning it. Just remember by kids using bad words, does not always mean they will grow up to be bad individuals.

My motto is: I always remind my kids that their tongue is the most powerful weapon they have in their body. As an adult, I try to follow this motto because I know my kids are going to try and copy me to some extent.

Our tongue can say words that can either hurt someone or lift someone up so they should be mindful of the language they use. So, just because some other kid is using harsh words, does not mean you have to spoil your tongue too.